April Showers

April blog! There are lambs in the pasture across the road, the days are longer, and the sun has finally come to Ireland.

I started a new side gig which I’m really enjoying: judging short stories for NYC Midnight. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to flex my editing skills, so this is exactly what I needed. Sometimes, if I’m being honest, I think I’m a better editor than a writer. I can tweak something someone gives me into shape a lot more easily than I can generate my own words sometimes.

In a similar vein, I’ve done no work on the vampire book (yes, it has a title but no, I’m not telling anyone yet). Fair Winds is getting queried when I have half a chance, but no bites so far. I did, however, write one poem, which makes me think I’m 19 again.

I had to break my “no new clothes all year” back in March with 5 euro Penney’s leggings…because my penney’s linen pants (that I had fixed once!) tore at work. There’s a whole lot to be said about how this is the way fast fashion gets you: low quality items that need constant replacing, but I don’t feel like moralizing. We’ll get back on track this month.

I took Twitter (or X or whatever) off my phone and I don’t miss it. I’m considering deleting my account entirely, as people are leaving the platform in droves, and I never liked it much anyway. I should also probably quit kidding myself that I’m on TikTok for promo, admit I’m mostly just watching cleaning videos, and delete that one too. Facebook stays for family, and I do actually like Instagram.

My screentime resolutions are going okay. They were built to incorporate imperfection, so I won’t beat myself up about breaking them a few times a month. The one I enjoy most is my weekly 24-hour social media/news detox.

The attempt to do a plank every day (which does not mean I do one every day, but does mean I do one more often than I used to) has, regrettably, cleared up my back pain, so I need to keep it up. The world is truly unfair. (Also, the cat/cow tilts I usually do after probably help. Been meaning to get back to yoga or doing laps, but since my day (from leaving the house to getting back) is typically 11 hours long, it just hasn’t been happening.

I’ll be done teaching up at the college on April 26, which can’t come soon enough, and then hopefully writing will happen a little more often.

Spring really does help my brain function a little better, despite my love for winter and autumn. Like a plant, I need the sun, even though I grouse when I’m too warm and love rainy days. Still, sometimes, on a sunny day in April or May, I realize I haven’t been 100% alive for months, but now I am again.

Currently reading:

As always, I’m a huge Paul Tremblay fan, and I recently got around to Disappearance at Devil’s Rock, which was gorgeous. Interestingly, I got Ash Child of God for his 30th, and the main villain in Devil’s Rock is inspired by Lester from Child of God. Despite my cowardice around Cormac McCarthy (his books make me sad!) I might have to pick that one up. Side note, I love Tremblay’s notes at the end of all his books – he shares a loving thoroughness to cite his genre influences with Stephen Graham Jones, who I’m also in awe of.

Which of course means…I need to talk about The Angel of Indian Lake. I am so, so grateful for the Lake Witch Trilogy. For how it began, for how it ended, for every character in it but especially my final girl, Jade Daniels. Jade, who never broke, no matter how hard life hit her. Jade who believed in magic, except it was the dark kind of magic, the kind that usually has a better chance of being real. The way this book delved into the pain (generational and enduring) that Christianity has caused so many of us…exquisite. Sermon’s over. And I know we’ve said goodbye to Jade, but after spending the last few years looking forward to her exploits, I need to mourn the end of this century’s best horror trilogy.

I also (finally!) got around to What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher. Super good – I will always love Alex Easton and the Scenarios, Situations, and Escapades ka seems to get into on the regular.

Other titles I’ve read include, The Wicked Sister which was a mid-range thriller, and Dallergut’s Dream Department Store, which was originally a Korean novel. It’s one of those books that has less of an overarching plot and more of an episodic nature, which I LOVE and find really relaxing, even though literally every agent/book on the craft/writing teacher/etc says it’s a terrible idea and every single thing should drive the plot. More character-driven wanders through weird places, please!

Currently listening to:

I’m caught up on Desert Skies podcast and Haunted House Flippers! I am also SUFFERING waiting for the next Magnus Protocol episode. Hello From the Magic Tavern is back, baybee, and I couldn’t be happier! Every Monday I take the bus, shut off all my socials and news apps, and listen to Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore goof around – it means I might be the only 9-5 M-F worker who doesn’t hate Mondays.

This: (TY to an old college pal turned instagram friend who shared it).

Currently watching:

Somehow, Dune had passed me by – I read the book in college but just sort of forgot about it. Ashley and I watched the original and then say Dune: Part 2 in theaters and we were stunned. It’s a visually gorgeous movie and a phenomenal story. I bought Ashley a nice copy of the first one so he can read it, and I’ll be doing a reread once he’s through.

Cats on the Continent

I did not blog in February like I said I was going to, so here’s a March update instead.

I went to France!!! Ashley and I celebrated being married one year by spending 6 days in Montpellier, which was absolutely divine. We visited not one but TWO cat cafes, saw the Mediterranean, ate a ton of great food, and subjected the locals to my terrible French (they were nice about it).

February was, at times, a somewhat rough mental health month for me, although there isn’t an underlying cause I could find. I think it’s important to accept that those of us with mental illness, trauma, grief, and other difficult brain things are sometimes going to have times when the tough symptoms just happen to get worse. The only thing to do is take care of ourselves and be with whatever is present in the moment.

I still haven’t bought any clothes, so we are 1/6 through my year’s resolution! I’ve always been pretty good at mending, and I’m keeping that up. My mother-in-law also helped me dye a sweater that got bleach spots – I love the new color, and it meant I didn’t have to turn it into a sleep shirt yet.  

The light at the end of the tunnel that is the college course I’m teaching is coming, and writing will hopefully take a higher priority after that. I’ve been doing some queries for Fair Winds, and I got a rejection for a picture book I was querying something like five years ago…let no one say the publishing business moves at any sort of logical pace.

Spring cleaning time is coming, which fills my heart with excitement. Opening some windows, blasting classic rock, and banishing dust is one of my favorite activities. For now, though, Ireland is still somewhat grey, and Oliver and I are curled on the couch, happy to be inside.

Currently listening to:

Podcasts: The Magnus Protocol – I’m sucked back into the world (well, probably another dimension of the world, but I digress) and couldn’t be happier. I love Sam but at heart, I think I’m an Alice.

Desert Skies – this one is about a gas station between life and afterlife, and honestly, it’s both entertaining and philosophical, in a kind of casual way. Strong recommend.

New Knifepoint Horror, “summoners” was a fun one!

Music-wise, honestly just a lot of classics. Not much to note.

Currently reading:

Re-reading The Hollow Places by T. Kingfisher because I caved and got a physical copy (originally had it on my ereader) and rediscovering my love for it. Husband and I were gifted some amazon gift cards during the flurry of celebrations in winter (our relationship-a-ver-sary is December 7, then there’s Christmas, then our wedding anniversary is January 31st, followed by Valentine’s Day and his birthday on March 1) and I’ve already laid out my picks: a pre-order of The Angel of Indian Lake, What Feasts at Night, and The September House.

I recently finished Snuff, and as I slowly come to the end of the Pratchett canon, I’m overwhelmed with love for the guy. Still, if I’m being honest, Snuff felt a little like he was losing his touch – not as snappily hilarious as a lot of his other works.

I also generally try not to do negative reviews, but The House at Phantom Park just did not have any redeeming features for me, and that so rarely happens with a book.

I loved Grave Expectations by Alice Bell. Personally, I want to be best friends with all the main characters and go around solving ghost mysteries.

Currently watching:

Not much. Started the Netflix Series of Unfortunate Events and I’m very hyped. Also, I’m not usually a true crime person, but I was teaching a unit with lots of crime vocab, so my students and I watched the episode of How I Caught My Killer about the guy with the snake farm. Super overly dramatic and fun, mostly scared me because of the snakes, rather than the murder.

Livin’ in the 20s

Living in the 20s – Green Day

Blogging as an author has always felt odd, in that hitting the line between professional-promoting-her-work and personal-journal-chaos is weirdly difficult. But here it is, February 2024, and I’m putting down a few words.

I don’t have any publications to announce, mostly because teaching has a tendency to overwhelm my life. This year, aside from my usual ESL classes, I took on an academic ESL course at one of the local(ish) colleges, and that was basically equivalant to getting tossed into the deep end with one (1) incredibly boring book and no plan. So I’ve learned some instructional design on the go…but I haven’t done much writing.

Fair Winds is still looking for a good home – I’ve had a few full reqs but no joy so far. If you’re an agent and a fantasy adventure about screwed up characters creating their own little found family while pulling off a heist…come talk to me.

My new project, which I don’t think I’ve talked about beyond a few tweets, is a vampire novel. Which…if you’d told me about ten years ago, I would have laughed in your face. Granted, I also would have thought you were insane if you told me I was married at 26. Which brings me to the next bit: Ashley and I had our first anniversary! We seem to not be sick of each other yet…well, no more than usual. We’re working away, saving money, and enjoying being cat parents. We’re not planning on being human parents, but we have a nibling on the way in the summer, and we’re excited about that!

I made a few resolution-ish things last year that I thought were quite helpful to my overall wellbeing, so I decided to do the same thing in 2024. In 2023, I tried to keep my phone use to less than 4 hours a day – still too much, but a place to start. I succeeded 314/360 days, so this year, I replicated the experiement with keeping it under 3 hours per day. I’m also doing weekly social media and news fasts – 24 hours every Monday.

I also decided to try to get through 2024 without buying any new clothes – a project I’m pretty sure will fail, but interesting to at least give a shot. So far I’ve made it through January and eleven days into February. I’ve had a few temptations, but mostly, not flipping the “oh, let’s walk through XYZ fast fashion store and see if there’s anything I want” switch has worked! Good for the planet and the wallet.

I’m really trying to live a life that doesn’t rely on cheap dopamine hits or leave me chronically overstimulated. Between anxiety and a history of trauma, plus a helping of sensory sesnitivity, I find that a lot of life in the 2020s isn’t healthy for me. It’s way too easy to get stuck in fight-or-flight, which honestly, feels lousy. I’ve done a lot of therapy, I medicate my anxiety disorder, and I feel light-years better than I did a decade ago, but mediating how I intereact with the world will always be part of taking care of myself.

Learning to live in my body specifically, with all its quirks (a cute way of saying chronic disorders), has meant ditching the idea of what I think I should do for what actually feels good. I can’t socialize as much as I forced myself to in college or I burn my social battery out, and I do have to do the boring stuff: take my meds, eat regularly, get enough sleep. The “sleep when I’m dead,” over-worked and over-caffinated, hungover and nihilistic aesthetic of my early 20s doesn’t serve me anymore, so I’m trying to make gradual, intentional changes that keep me well – without expecting perfection.

I’m off to DnD later tonight, where I’ll be playing a pirate wench. More updates to follow…or not, considering my blogging track record. For now, some media.

Currently reading: The Stranger Upstairs which is a thriller that’s not hugely grabbing me. I just finished Books of Blood: Vol 1 and it made me change my opinion of Clive Barker completely. I hadn’r really enjoyed Mister B. Gone, but Books of Blood (which a friend peer pressured me into buying – thanks Johnny) is beautiful. Favorite stories therein include “The Yattering and Jack” and “Sex, Death, and Starshine.”

Currently listening to: musically, Green Day’s new album Saviors. I love it enough that I might go see them when they come to Dublin, but I’m iffy on whether I want to hear Dookie all the way through. I love a few of the tracks, but honestly, I think it’s a somewhat overrated album. Still, they’re also doing Idiot all the way through as well, which means I’d get to hear “Jesus of Suburbia” live, something I probably wouldn’t get another opportuity to do.

Also, this folk band is fantastic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-SiSIEKIJI

Podcast-wise, I’m working through Wolf 359, which isn’t new, but is new to me, and I’m loving it. Plus, The Magnus Protocol is finally out, and it’s great so far!

Currently watching: honestly not much, but I finished The Fall of the House of Usher super late and LOVED it. I also really enjoyed seeing Argylle in theaters. It’s the perfect level of stupid, self-aware, hilarious, and action-packed. Plus, there’s a cat.

Looking-Glass House & Other Stories

Guys, it finally happened.

My first book is out! A previously-unpublished novella, alongside “Contortion” and “Doldrums,” is now availiable from Screaming Eye Press.

These are eerie stories about misfits and places that just aren’t quite right. If that appeals to you, well, here’s the link for Kindle and paperback options.

Stay spooky, everyone!

Eve

In & Out Like a Lion

You know that saying about March coming in like a lion and out like a lamb…or vice versa…or whatever?

2022 has so far been strongly lion-flavoured for me, and March was no exception. I’ve had two headcolds, done an Alice-in-Wonderland themed escape room, participated in #MoodPitch, decided to get my CELTA certification so I can teach English, and brought home the world’s best cat.

Oliver St. John Gogarty

It also turns out I’m having a sort-of ceremony for my MA graduation that happened *checks notes* two years ago, so I ordered platform high heels that can only be described as slutty (pictures to follow).

And, of course, I yelled about horror. Here’s this month’s Quaint and Curious Volumes, where I rank all of those escape room themed movies (there are actually a couple good ones!)

notes on leaving

I used to love those compilation posts of poetry or lyrics or lines on a common theme that went around tumblr. This is my 2022 version of one – it’s just lyrics, but I might do a followup with a bit more variety.

I’ve been accused of running from my problems before. As someone who, at 25 has lived in two countries and five states, I can’t argue with the logic.

The wounded part of me wants to fire back that so often, things I love have been ripped from me. Why would I stay in places with missing chasms? My best friend died, my dance company broke up, my high school closed, friends and enemies and old lovers took different paths. I moved around a lot as a kid. Once, a girl scout troupe once literally stopped meeting without telling me.

But it’s been my choice, too. I studied abroad in college, lived on a travel expo at 22, and left the country when my life when to shit shortly after. I’ve been on the move for my whole life – and I’ve loved it. But I’ve been lonely, at times, and tired, and the metaphorical dust on my boots piles up.

It gives me certain neuroses, too: I’m very particular about my things: always knowing where they are and taking care to keep them portable. Settling down has always been anxiety-inducing for me. I cope with difficulty by figuring it’s not so long ’til I move onto the next thing.

I’m good at being a long distance friend, because you get good at things you do a lot. I’m one of the only people my age who sends out Christmas cards. I pick up the phone, and make good in my threats to crash on friends’ couches.

So it was scary to get into my first long-term relationship when I was 23, because even though I was in love, I had no blueprint for being someone’s partner. Bringing home my cat, who I love with every bit of me, made me pause too: I can’t just leave for a week or a month or a year, now. There is someone at home, waiting for me.

Delving into the past for healing purposes is frightening too – as an EMDR veteran, I can say it’s a lot easier to crush it all down, as small as you can, until it collapses into itself and becomes a black hole in the pit of your stomach, than it is to face the past.

My default, when discussing pain in my past, was to numb myself to it, speak it like a story or a stand-up comedy set. Because if you can joke about something, you’re fine. Still, sometimes, when I drink, I take the floor, gin and tonic in hand, and make dark jokes, daring my audience to laugh at the suffering I’ve twirled like a baton in front of them.

Harder to talk about are the good times, which I carry in my heart, and which hurt, sometimes, even more than the bad, because they are finished.

The past is complex. Whether or not it exists is a scientific and philosophical question I’ve explored in my fiction. Is a memory real? A scar is real, anyway.

So like all of us, I’ve had to figure out my relationship with my past. These are words that meant a lot to me, over the years. Many of them are about leaving, about forcefully putting the past behind you. Some are angry and some are wistful. But anyway, here they are.

me and julio down by the schoolyard – paul simon
worry rock – green day
jesus of suburbia – green day
tire swing – kimya dawson
baltimore – mal blum
harlem roulette – the mountain goats
dog days – florence and the machine
the toast – adam ezra
carry on – fun.
don’t think twice, it’s all right – bob dylan

Minutes of the March 2022 Meeting of The Society of Horror Movie Pets Anonymous

March’s Quaint and Curious Volumes explores what happens when the dog doesn’t die, just gets severely traumatised.

https://lunastationquarterly.com/minutes-of-the-march-2022-meeting-of-the-society-of-horror-movie-pets-anonymous/

Screaming about Scream: the Horror Film Franchise That Still Delivers

I love Scream. And I love bige watching franchises, seeing horror movies in theaters, going over details and Easter eggs in minute detail, and generally being a huge nerd about this stuff. So here is February’s Quaint and Curious Volumes, in which I got to do all of this things.